Results day

3rd March, the day I dreaded ever since the end of A levels. And now it's finally over.

I swear I've never felt that scared in my entire life before. Not for results anyway, I was always nonchalant about my results except for those major exams like PSLE, Os and As. 2 hours before getting our paper my heart was already beating really fast. I couldn't concentrate on the birthday celebration for V, so sorry my dear. I hope you were happy w the present and alcohol haha 

I looked fucking ugly so yeah

After that was the torturous wait till our PD tutor gave us back our results. And I made the ingenious decision to go to the very back cos I didn't want to receive my results. Turns out it was a fucking stupid decision cos I had to wait for like 45 mins or so. So my advice to you is just go to the damned front. Your results are already determined anyway so getting it first or last makes no difference, prolonging the fear just sucks even more.

So during the long wait I witnessed many things, people were crying tears of sadness/joy, hugging and comforting those who didn't do that well, and thankfully nobody screamed or kneeled on the floor and broke down crying. I saw that happen once in PHS, it was horrible. The girl was like wailing and crying her eyes out and kneeling over on the floor on her knees...

Not a nice sight to behold.

Anyway it sucked to see your close friends crying. You just don't know what to do or what to say, cos you're afraid you'll say something wrong and make things worse, and nothing you say can make things better. Even for people you don't know, it really sucks to see them crying.

I don't like how our studies are viewed as the most important thing in your life. As though your grades determine who you are, as a person, so once you fail you're determined as a failure with no future. That's not true, definitely, but I think our mindsets have been shaped by many factors to think like that. And it sucks. The fear of not knowing how your future is gonna turn out if you fail at some point in your life.

It isn't the end of the world. Results aren't all that matters, really. As long as you did your best, it's fine because you didn't fail yourself.

***

So proud of you, proud of us. We made it through from beginning till end, and I know I would never have made it this far without you. In J1 I did nothing but skip lectures and tutorials, never once did I hand up homework on time. Nothing motivated me, until you came along. Thanks for always pushing me, making me study even though I always try to find some way to distract you. I love you, you big idiot.