Happy 1 year and 9 months.

I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I'm an insecure prick, when you've never given me any reason to doubt you. I've failed to count the number of times where you've surprised me with roses or gifts, or just random little things that made me cry tears of joy. I've really never felt love like this from anyone but you. 

And what do I do? I get upset at little things that shouldn't even matter in the first place. I let misunderstandings get to my head and say things I can never take back. I've made things so hard for you, and because of me you've changed. Yet I've selfishly stayed the same, thinking "It's okay". Not talking to you for almost a day made me realize how selfish I am, for wanting to be everything in your life. I know I can't, and will never be. Like I mentioned many times before my head knows what's right and what's wrong, but my heart doesn't comply. My heart just takes over. And that's no excuse for what I did, I know. I just want you to know, I'm sorry, truly sorry, and a girl like me doesn't deserve the love you shower me with. "Love is not about possession. Love is appreciation." I do understand that. 

I can't deny that I feel vulnerable. But that's what love does. I came across this quote today and it said "What do you gain from love?" And the bottom it said both "Nothing" and "Everything", and I thought that it was really true. Love is all about taking that risk, taking that leap of faith. I used to think that love was total bullshit after getting hit by my ex-boyfriend. I told myself to never believe in happily ever afters again. But then you came along unexpectedly, and you've made me so happy. Every stupid little thing you do makes me smile or laugh, and I just wish I have the same effect on you. 

I'm not good with words, and i know you don't really like sentimental things, but I just want you to know. 

I love you, Sheldon.