Sometimes I just feel so useless. Unable to bring the team up when it's down. Unable to help. Questioned myself, "what can I do for the team?" I had all the answers. Whack hard and gain points. Move my feet and receive every ball. Shout as loud as I can to bring my team's morale up.
I know all of these. But was I able to carry out them?
No. I couldn't. Tried. Still trying. But I couldn't.
Doesn't mean I'm giving up. Doesn't mean I'll stop trying. I'm gonna keep fighting for this year, as well as next year. I'm gonna train hard. 'cos I don't ever, ever wanna experience this kind of disappointment again. It sucks. It fucking sucks.
One of my teammates asked me, "did you try your best? If you did, then don't be so hard on yourself."
Trying isn't gonna be of use. It's the result of trying that really, truly matters. If you try hard and fail, of course you'd be hard on yourself and strive even harder to achieve what you desire. That's what I want. That's why I cried today. Wanting desperately to win, trying my best, and failing. I failed.
I'll make it. We'll make it.
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