Do you hear me

I shouldn't be doing this but

Life sucks without you. It really, really sucks without you. Mornings never seem bright and nights never seem safe. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours. Days, weeks, months drag on. Nothing gets retained in my memory, I can't focus anymore. 

How many months has it been since we stopped trying? Since we gave up? I should've fought harder. I should've realised what I bitch I was, I should've done something about my attitude instead of making up excuses that I couldn't change. What was I thinking? And now the only thing I can do is regret, which is of no use at all. But I still feel every bit of it. It eats at me, whenever I think of you, and I feel every inch of guilt in my whole body. I wish I could make it up to you, but it's too late. If you asked if I could change now I will say with utmost confidence I could, because now that I've lost you I know what it rests upon.

I know you hurt more than I did, and I don't blame you for cutting me off. It wasn't fair for you to receive all of that from me. Even after we broke up you still had to deal with the shit I've been up to, you didn't deserve any of it, you never did. 

If you ever see this I just want you to know that

I'm sorry 

It doesn't mean much but it's all I can give.