comethru

It’s day 28 since I first started taking the antidepressants. He said it was supposed to make me calmer.

I guess I do? It could always be placebo but even placebo helps right? Hahaha

Today felt kinda low... because I started having expectations which I told myself not to. I still feel ugly and fat, it’s much better than before but I still don’t feel pretty or lovable. It’s hard to be yourself around someone when you’re so fucking self conscious all the time...

Can you come through?

I kind of don’t expect anyone to stay for me anymore, and hence today felt kinda sad. I always wonder if it was gonna be the last time we would see each other, or if you’d just disappear on me someday. Shit is this a newfound insecurity arising from a trauma??? Hahaha

I guess it’s really too early to tell... but I’m q sick and tired of all the uncertainty and variables in my life.

But I’m stronger than a month before. And I will continue getting stronger.

Anyway this song really helps me feel hopeful when I’m feeling bad. It reminds me of a happy kind of sad.

I might lose my mind
Waking when the sun's down
Riding all these highs
Waiting for the comedown
Walk these streets with me
I'm doing decently
Just glad that I can breathe, yeah

I'm trying to realize
It's alright to not be fine on your own

Now I'm shaking, drinking all this coffee
These last few weeks have been exhausting
I'm lost in my imagination
And there's one thing that I need from you
Can you come through, through
Through, yeah
And there's one thing that I need from you
Can you come through?

Ain't got much to do
Too old for my hometown
Went to bed at noon
Couldn't put my phone down
Scrolling patiently
It's all the same to me
Just faces on a screen, yeah

I'm trying to realize
It's alright to not be fine on your own

Now I'm shaking, drinking all this coffee
These last few weeks have been exhausting
I'm lost in my imagination
And there's one thing that I need from you
Can you come through, through
Through, yeah
And there's one thing that I need from you
Can you come through, through
Through, yeah
And there's one thing that I need from you
Can you come through?