I finally cried today. It’s been a while.

I never thought I was actually stressed until the moment I start crying. It’s quite funny, how realisation hits you. It never sinks in until it actually does.

I hate my job. I’m not learning anything new and it’s just so boring every single day. Everyone’s able to work from home and I’m going to work. I would love to, but it’s just so pointless and unfulfilling, I legit do nothing and there’s nothing to be done.

Friends can’t work together - I wish I can refute that. I’m trying my best to get out of your way, and I honestly just really want to help. But I guess I should just come to terms that we have different working styles. I just wish it doesn’t affect me as much as it does.

I hate not being able to see my friends - I was never one to keep in touch with people through text or calls, and I miss just hanging out, be it doing something or in silence with people who matter a lot to me.

My mom is a whirlwind of negative energy and emotions, and my sis is still a slob after so many years.

I don’t know if I should pursue Masters - I’m leaning towards counselling but what if I suck at it? My people skills are not that great. And which school? Are they reputable? What if I’m still not able to find a job after? I don’t have enough money - I need to take a loan.

Or should I just spam jobs again? In what? Who will hire me when my qualifications are not that great and my experience is far from what I would have hoped?

When will I catch up with my friends who seem to be successful?

Why can’t I seem to lose weight? Why am I so ugly?

Will I ever be loved unconditionally? Will I ever be enough for someone? Who would want to settle down with me when I have all these thoughts in my head? Do you really care? Or are you just pretending? I wish I could just ask you - but I don’t have the courage to.

- today is just a bad day, and I’ll be fine tomorrow.

I started on my pills again - I really didn’t want to, but I just need the thoughts to stop.