This feeling again.

The dull ache you try to desperately to ignore. You try to put your mind off it, to simply deny its existence as a whole, to not admit it’s slowly creeping in. You try to do something in the meantime, like read a book, listen to a song, walk around aimlessly, have a smoke. And suddenly you can’t ignore it anymore, you find your body naturally reacting to it, your brain tells you to breathe and you do, in and out. But why is it the more you breathe the darker your vision seems?

In and out.
1, 2, 3.
Repeat.

The scary thing about repetition is it is constant, while it may seem like a good thing because it gives you some sense of control, everything crashes when you break it.

When you break a supposed repetition, panic arises. And it grows when you try to go back into it but fail.

I guess that’s how panic attacks happen. It’s a vicious cycle of gaining and losing control. Until you finally have a long, undisturbed repetition, until you are sure there’s no way you can lose control.

Damn, it’s getting more and more frequent nowadays. I need to get a grip